When I reflect on my life and where I am now, I see what God has done for me. I was an angry, stubborn, and lonely kid growing up. I was very bitter for quite a while in my teenage years because of the life I was given. But God has turned my story into a blessing for me. I have learned that he is done everything for me. The reason for me sharing this is to share what God does, and I want to given what has been given to me.
I grew up in a fatherless home, my parents divorced when I was very young. I never had a relationship with my father because he chose alcohol and a path of destruction over his family. I was very angry and bitter for years about it. I was finally ready to forgive him when I was 20 years old but he passed away just before my 21st birthday. I never told him that he was forgiven and that everything was ok. I spent several more years hating myself for not going to talk to him.
I had a father figure in my uncle. He passed away from leukemia when I was 9 years old though. That left me without that male figure to teach me the “manly” things. Even the little things like shaving, I had to learn from experience. I didn’t have a father to teach me those things. It was very difficult for me growing up with my mother and 2 sisters. I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life and had to learn the hard way many of times. I didn’t have that male figure to guide me on what was right or wrong.
I tried taking on the responsibility of being the “man of the house” for my mom and 2 sisters but I was so young and immature. As the years went by, I learned to ask God for guidance. He has never failed me, even in the times when I felt like giving up and didn’t understand anything. I have never been perfect, and never will be. I had my moments of darkness, wanting to give up and spending my days seeing the bottom of empty liquor bottles.
The Lord has stuck by my side through everything. He didn’t give up on me and answered every time I called for his help. He is taught my to be grateful for everything that I have been given. I was taught to appreciate people in your life by my father and uncle passing away like they did. People can be gone in just a moment of time, don’t take that time for granted. And the biggest thing I have learned is to seek God in everything I do. This is so much bigger than me or anything I can ever think of myself. My life is not my own, it belongs to the Lord and doing his will.